I'm in the process of trying to figure out the...well the rest of my life! That's a semi-true statement, but honestly I can only make so many plans. I've been unemployed for 3 full weeks and financially I'm done for. I've been on the job hunt and I am currently waiting to hear back about a cashier position at Gordman's. Due to the lack of income, I'm searching for a cheaper living arrangement. While I currently live pretty cheaply, having no income make even this lifestyle hard to manage. I've been seeking out my options, but all of the unknowns are causing more stress than I desire to deal with. Even negative answers are better than complete unknowns in my book.
If anything--this season of life is teaching me a lot about humility and even more about dependence on God. God's asking me to be patient and I don't want to be. I'm ready to have a job so I can pay my bills. God's evidently putting me into a deeper walk that requires more trust and more vulnerability than I anticipated. I heard a song on the radio this past week on my way to school. The first line said,
If faith can move the mountains, let the mountains move. We come with expectation, waiting here for You.I quickly turned up the volume so I could listen to the rest of the song.
You're the Lord of all creation and still You know my heart. The author of salvation, You've loved us from the start.In that moment I could tell this song was played for me to hear. I had spent last weekend meditating on the verse Matthew 17:20 "...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." I shared with a friend that my faith must be at the cellular level of that mustard seed!!! The song continued into the chorus...
Waiting here for You with our hands lifted high in praise. And it's You we adore, singing alleluia.The beginning said "we come with expectation, waiting here for You." How often do I come with expectation, but I am unwilling to wait for Him?? The chorus shattered my heart when I came to the realization that I have NOT been waiting for Him, with my hands lifted in praise! I am instead coming with all sorts of expectations, begging God to come through in my moment of need yet never surrendering my will to Him. WELL NO WONDER I'M NOT GETTING ANYWHERE! God is not here to just make things happen in my life! He is here to be loved, worshipped and praised by ME! By His precious, chosen child!
This song, "Waiting Here For You" by Christy Nockles is the new cry of my heart.
You are everything you've promised, Your faithfulness is true. We're desperate for Your presence, all we need is You!http://youtu.be/J3OEGnH5x8g
