Wow....December already?! I feel like it should be September still...except there is snow on the ground, my winter coat is hanging on the chair behind me and my boots are on. So ready or not...winter has unofficially, officially started. I just got done enjoying my favorite Starbucks drink and a wonderful conversation with a dear friend. I decided before heading back to my apartment that I would write a new blog post. We are three days into this month, but December has become a little overwhelming already.
Well, back track to November 29th. I started another new class at Brown Mackie. I finished my November class with a 96%. I have started my core classes now...so I'm officially in the OTA program! So TECHNICALLY I can start putting special little letters at the end of my name..."Rose Geertz, OTAS" Haha...I am an occupational therapy assistant STUDENT. When I graduate I will be an OTA...and after I pass my certification test, I'll be a COTA...and if I go on to get my masters I'll be an OTR. Okay, sorry for the little rant, but someday those little letters will mean something :) This class started on Monday and will go until December 22nd. I have buckled up for a rough month. This class is TOUGH! It's definitely a lot harder than the other two classes I've had at Brown Mackie. The worst part....they keep telling us that it's the easiest class in the program!!!! I have 6 books for the class and I get to read multiple chapters each night after class. EEEK! God's strength will be the only thing to get me through this crazy month of class.
December 1st--marked the beginning of my 5th month out on my own. It's hard to believe...but I've got all my Christmas decorations up, which makes me happy! :) December 1st also marked the 6th anniversary of my friend Matt's death. It just doesn't seem possible that he's been gone for that long. With each passing day, we're one day closer to being together again. As I visited the cemetery last weekend, memories flooded my mind of our times together. Since Wednesday, memories of his funeral have been flying through my mind. It was surreal then and it's surreal now. Walking away from the grave that morning tore my heart in two. Losing a classmate, a friend, a brother in Christ is not easy--especially at the age of 16/17. My 17th birthday just seemed...wrong...when I thought about him being gone. Each December 1st that has passed, I grieve the loss again. In my mind it just doesn't seem right.
Today marks another anniversary. One year ago, I received an early morning phone call from my dad that Grandpa had passed away. Upon hearing the news of his condition the day before, I began making plans to drive home for the funeral. Somehow I knew, that he wasn't going to pull out of it. He had been in and out of the hospital/nursing home for a few years and we had heard it was the end numerous times....but somehow at this time last year, I knew it really was the end. The early phone call did not come as a surprise. I was never super close to Grandpa, but it was still a lost loved one. I traveled home for the funeral. Being with my dad's family again was good, but the occasion was difficult. I am the last of the Geertz blood-line and it was hard to see Grandpa in the casket. Remembering back to the days on the farm, I thought of the day he taught me how to snap my fingers. It still brings a smile to my face. As we said our final goodbyes at the grave, I broke down. I knew my grandpa was in Heaven, I knew he had served his time...a long 94 years--but I was still sad. My grandpa was gone. Forever. I no longer had the chance to hug him and tell him I loved him. My cousin grabbed me two carnations from the casket and reminded me Grandpa was in a better place. I hugged my aunt and she told me it was all going to be okay. I clutched onto the carnations and said one last goodbye. My grandpa's death has become another December memory that will never leave.
Soon I will celebrate my 23rd birthday. It's kind of odd...I'm not excited for my birthday. I don't really think it's a bad thing. I do not need or expect anything big or grand to happen on the 13th. I have so much and I'm already blessed beyond measure--I don't need anything else. I will be content to be engage in my education, work a few hours to make a living and talk with my family & friends. Birthday's are a big deal to some, but I already feel blessed & loved...I don't need a special day set aside for it.
Soon after the birthday festivities will be Christmas. This Christmas will be a new experience for me. I may miss my family Christmas get together for the first time since I was 4. Growing up and moving 5 hours away from the family--it takes a toll on you. I didn't recognize the toll it would take until I realized it meant being away on the holidays. I made it home for Thanksgiving and "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams." Sitting alone in my apartment on Christmas would be terrible. If anything, I will do what I have to to get to IL, to my sisters house. I pray God will allow the weather to stay calm enough for the three of us to make it back to Iowa to be with family. Of all the family members, I am the farthest away so it makes me appreciate my family that much more. My time with them is limited and it makes me realize how much they mean to me.
Before I know it, January will be here. December will prove to be a trying month for me, no doubt. Old memories and new challenges will be etched into the calendar of my heart. It's just another month, but I know it will not soon be forgotten. So what's December all about anyway....? Reflection? Yes, I think so.
